im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
