is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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