the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
