She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
