I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
