Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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