I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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