i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
