I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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