do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
