she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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