so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
