i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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