He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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