he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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