wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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