Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
