Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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