it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
