I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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