You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
