She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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