I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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