I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
