She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The Olympian is in my bed
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