Who wears a wallet chain?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
