you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
