Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
