omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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