Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
