I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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