i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
