I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
