What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
