She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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