Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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