That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pants are for mortals
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
