My sheets look like a crime scene.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
