Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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