Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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