This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
