Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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