Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
