GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
