My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
