they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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