I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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