I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
