On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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