Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
