my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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