Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
