She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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